A Distant Memory

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One night I was cleaning Ms. Reynolds's desk when I noticed Marine's name on a half-finished letter. My heart skipped a beat. I mean, you read about it, but when it happens… the world spinning and my vision narrowing... I thought I was having a panic attack. Before I realized it I was slumped in the chair, clinks of glass sounding off the floor as my eyes overflowed with tears. I couldn't remember the last time I'd thought of her. Was it that old nightmare where she returned to the Vault but was afraid to touch me or even come near me? I had horrible nightmares.

The letter was a formal request seeking Marine's help in finding a new librarian for the Vault, Ms. Reynolds position. Accompanying it was a personal request, unfinished, for someone to watch over me. As I was reading the letter for probably the fifth time I felt it pulled out of hand. I knew I had overstepped and prepared to receive a Ms. Reynolds rebuke. Instead, the woman who over my lifetime had transformed from proud to stern to stubbornly unwavering to weary and jaded now looked down on me with sad eyes. Mustering what little warmth she contained, Ms. Reynolds struggled for words, "This is my third and last try. I'm sorry." Then she embraced me; one of the few hugs from the only mother I'd ever known.

I cried myself to sleep that night for the first time in ages, ruining my bed. Mad at Marine for leaving, mad at the Vault for trapping Ms. Reynolds and stealing her life, furious at myself for being such a coward, not letting go even after all this time, I couldn't contain my emotions, but I couldn't direct them either.

A new morning came and things got better. No replacement for Ms. Reynolds, but a new priest arrived. A young man who called himself Dram. I could tell he held secrets, but that was nothing new for the Vault. Escaping one’s past seemed the number one employment qualifier. Our previous priest spent almost his entire time in the temple, and thus avoided nearly everyone else in the Vault and me entirely. Dram was the complete opposite. He delighted in exploring his new home and even let me act as guide. Ms. Reynolds was initially against having Dram involved in any of her duties. But the priest turned out to be a superb leader, allowing Ms. Reynolds the break she needed to focus on her librarian duties and hand off managing other people, which she detested.

The Vault was busy. We were needed. Life was good enough, but I continued to worry about Ms. Reynolds. She needed someone to take her place and that still wasn’t me.

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